macdobhran: Whoop Ass (Zombieland Rule #12)
List your gear, be ready to shop. Any competent disaster-survival manual should catalog everything you will need to begin a new life. Always maintain three detailed and up-to-date lists.
  1. What you absolutely need to survive.

  2. Equipment to help build and expand your dwelling and surroundings.

  3. If not all the comforts of home, at least a close approximation.

If finances permit, purchase all your items immediately. If not, know where to purchase them. Always have at least two backup options in case your primary supplier runs out of stock. Always have a cash reserve for the bare essentials. Even before the situation spirals out of control, checks and credit cards will not compare to the comfort of paper money.

On the Run

Apr. 20th, 2011 11:35 am
macdobhran: Whoop Ass (Zombieland Rule #1)
Get in Shape:

Your body should be conditioned for a long journey. Begin a strict cardiovascular regimen. If there is no time, make sure the path you have chosen is within your physical abilities.

All groups should carry:
  • Silent ballistic weapon
    (preferably a silenced firearm or crossbow)
  • Extra ammunition for fifteen kills
    (if weapon differs from standard firearm)
  • Telescopic sight
  • Medium-sized medical kit
  • Two-way radio with headphones
  • Crowbar (in lieu of hand weapon)
  • Water-purification pump


Apr. 20th, 2011 11:29 am
macdobhran: Whoop Ass (Zombieland Rule #2)
Armor: Chain Mail

If worn from head to toe, this simpler form or armor actually does provide some protection from zombie bites. Teeth will be unable to penetrate its links. Its flexibility allows for greater movement and speed; its lack of a faceplate allows for greater visibility. Unlike solid plates it allows the skin to breathe and thereby cuts down on dehydration and overheating. Unless you have been training with this armor for years, your combat effectiveness is bound to be impaired. Its weight can still increase exhaustion. The pressure of a zombie bite may still be enough to crack bones or tear muscles within the armor. If you choose chain mail, make sure it is battle quality! Much of the the medieval or ancient armor produced today is for decoration or stage performance.
macdobhran: Whoop Ass (Zombieland Rule #22)
If you do not live in a two-story house, the attic will be a less comfortable but equally secure substitute. Most can be secured by simply raising the retractable staircase or removing the temporary ladder. Zombies lack the cognitive ability to build a ladder of their own. If you stay quiet, they will not even know that an attic exists. Never use a basement as a shelter. Popular horror flicks have shown that, in a crunch, this subterranean chamber can protect the living from the dead. This is a dangerous fallacy. Burning, suffocating, or simply starving to death in basements have claimed hundreds of lives over the years.
macdobhran: Whoop Ass (Zombieland Rule #21)
Instead of leading the undead on for miles, bait will draw them to a fixed position. This position could be constructed of debris, hastily erected barbed wire, wrecked cars, or your own vehicles. From the fixed position, your team will stand its ground, killing the zombies before they can overrun the barricade. In this instance, incendiary devices are ideal. A flamethrower (only in this case) would utterly destroy their ranks. If incineration is not an option, simple marksmanship will accomplish the same task. Make sure your distances are measured and your rounds are expended wisely. Use the barricade tactic in urban areas or those that provide great visibility. Specifically exclude jungles, swamps, or thick forests.
macdobhran: Whoop Ass (Zombieland Rule #22)
Zombies are migratory organisms, with no regard for territory or concept of home. They will travel miles and perhaps, given time, cross continents in their search for food. Their hunting pattern is random. Ghouls will feed at night and during the day. They will stumble through an area rather than deliberately searching it. The undead possess an uncanny ability to home in on a victim's precise location. The head turns immediately in the direction of its victim. The jaw drops, lips retract, and from the depths of its diaphragm, comes the moan. Once contact is made, zombies cannot be distracted by any means. They will continue to pursue their prey, stopping only if they lose contact, make a successful kill, or are destroyed.
macdobhran: Whoop Ass (Zombieland Rule #29)
What is otherwise known as your basic "car" has thousands of variations. This makes it difficult to generalize about their advantages and disadvantages. When choosing, look for gas mileage, equipment storage space, and durability. If sedans have one major drawback, it is their lack of all-terrain capability. As stated before, most roads will be blocked, jammed, or destroyed. If you own a sedan, imagine how it would perform crossing a field. Now add snow, mud, rocks, tree stumps, ditches, streambeds, and a variety of rusting, forgotten junk. Chances are that your sedan would not get very far. Too often, the land around an infested area has been littered with broken-down and/or stuck sedans.
macdobhran: Whoop Ass (Zombieland Rule #4)
Do not use the phone. As in all disasters, the lines will probably be tied up. One more call only contributes to clogging the system. Keep the ringer on the lowest setting (or vibrate). If a call does come through, by all means answer it, but do so quietly. Plan an alternate escape. you may be safe from zombies but not from fire. If a gas line bursts, or some fool down the street goes crazy with a Molotov, you may have to abandon your home. Find a bag or other means of carrying essentials and keep it at the ready.
macdobhran: Whoop Ass (Zombieland Rule #2)
These weapons (rifle or pistol) fire a round no wider than a few millimeters and no longer than an inch. In an attack by the undead .22 rimfire stands proudly alongside its heavier cousins. The small size of its rounds allows you to carry three times as much ammunition. this also makes the weapon itself lighter, a godsend on long treks through ghoul-infested territory. Two disadvantages present themselves, however, when the use of a .22 is considered. The small round has zero stopping power. A ghoul taking a round to the chest would not even be slowed. Another problem is the lack of skull penetration at longer ranges. But do not discount this small and efficient firearm.
macdobhran: Whoop Ass (Zombieland Rule #15)
There is no question that zombies have excellent hearing. Not only can they detect sound--they can determine its direction. The basic range appears to be the same as that for humans. Experiments with extreme high and low frequencies have yielded negative results. Tests have also shown that zombies are attracted by any sounds, not just those made by living creatures. it has been recorded that ghouls will notice sounds ignored by living humans. The most likely, if unproven, explanation is that zombies depend on all their senses equally. Humans are sight-oriented from birth, depending on other senses only if the primary one is lost. Perhaps this is not a handicap shared by the walking dead. If so, it would explain their ability to hunt, fight, and feed in total darkness.
macdobhran: Whoop Ass (Zombieland Rule #18)
If you have a ladder, use it to continue to stock your upstairs refuge. If not, catalog what you do have, fill all sinks and other receptacles with water, and prepare for a long wait. Stay out of sight. If you listen to the radio, do it at a minimum volume. When the skies darken, do not turn on the lights. Do not go near the windows. Try to make it seem as if the house has been abandoned. This may not stop a random zombie intrusion, but it will help to discourage a mass congregation from descending upon your home.
macdobhran: Whoop Ass (Zombieland Rule #21)
Most churches, synagogues, mosques, and other houses of worship are built to withstand forced entry. Most have heavy wood or metal doors. Windows tend to be high off the ground. A majority passes wrought-iron fences that can serve as added protection. However, the protection they offer during an outbreak will never be enough against the zombies that are sure to come. The walking dead attack churches for one good reason: it's where the food is. Despite their education, technical savvy, and professed disinterest in the spiritual world, urban Americans run, screaming to their gods, at the first sight of zombies. These places of worship, crammed with people loudly praying for their souls, have always served as beacons for the undead.

On the Run

Mar. 21st, 2011 11:02 am
macdobhran: Whoop Ass (Zombieland Rule #22)
How many zombies (approximately) stand between you and your destination? Where are the natural boundaries? Have there been hazardous accidents such as fires or chemical spills? What are the safest routes to take? What are the most dangerous? Which have been blocked since the outbreak began? Will weather be a problem? Are there any assets along the way? Are you sure they're still there? Can you think of any information you'd like to have before setting out?

Know your terrain. At least that factor will not change with an outbreak. If someone says to you, "Hey, let's just get going and deal with whatever's out there," hand him a pistol with one bullet and tell him that it's an easier way of committing suicide.
macdobhran: Whoop Ass (Zombieland Rule #29)

Nanotechnology, the study of microscopic machinery, is only in its adolescence. At present, experimental computer chips are being made that are no bigger than a molecule! One day robots that small will be able to perform tasks within the human body. These nanobots, or whatever the accepted term will be, will one day destroy cancer cells, repair damaged tissue, even attack and destroy hostile viruses. Theoretically, there is no reason why they could not be injected by the billions into a recently infected human to identify the Solanum virus and eradicate it from the system. When will this technology be perfected?When will it find its way into the medical profession? When will it be adopted for combating Solanum? Only time will tell.
macdobhran: Whoop Ass (Zombieland Rule #21)
No information--historical, experimental, or otherwise--has surfaced regarding the results of sexual relations with an undead specimen, but as previously noted, the nature of Solanum suggests a high danger of infection. Warning against such an act would be useless, as the only people deranged enough to try would be unconcerned for their own safety. Many have argued that, given the congealed nature of undead bodily fluids, the chances of infection from a non-bite contact should be low. However, it must be remembered that even on organism is enough to begin the cycle.
macdobhran: Whoop Ass (Zombieland Rule #12)
Why do the undead prey upon the living? If it has been proven that human flesh serves no nutritional purpose, why does their instinct drive them to murder? Modern science, combined with historical data, has shown that living humans are not the only delights on the undead menu. Any creatures, no matter what their size of species, will be consumed by an attacking zombie. Human flesh, however, will always be preferable to other life forms. What can be confirmed, beyond any shadow of doubt, is that instinct brought on by Solanum drives the undead to kill and devour any living creature they discover. There appear to be no exceptions.
macdobhran: Whoop Ass (Zombieland Rule #29)
The act of dousing consists of simply filling a bucket with flammable liquid (gasoline kerosene, etc.), throwing it at a zombie or zombies, lighting a match, and running. If there is room for escape and no danger of residual fire damage, the only drawback to this method is the close proximity required to fully drench the enemy.

On the Run

Mar. 10th, 2011 10:45 am
macdobhran: Whoop Ass (Zombieland Rule #22)
Where exactly are you headed? Too often, people have abandoned their fortifications to wander aimlessly and hopelessly across an area swarming with ghouls. Without a fixed destination in mind, the chances of surviving the journey are slim. Use your radio to discover the nearest haven. If possible, try to communicate with the outside world to confirm that this destination is indeed safe. Always have a backup destination, in case the first is overrun. Unless other humans are waiting, and unless constant communication is maintained, you may arrive to find a gathering of zombies waiting hungrily at the finish line.
macdobhran: Whoop Ass (Zombieland Rule #22)
Care for Your Tools

Weapons, no matter how simple they may be, must be cared for as if they were living things. Anyone with firearm experience knows that inspection and cleaning are part of everyday use. This also applies to close-combat weapons. Blades need polish and rust protection. Grips need checking and maintenance. Never abuse your tools or expose them to unnecessary damage. If possible, have them tested regularly by experienced professionals. These experts may detect early-stage defects imperceptible to the amateur user.
macdobhran: Whoop Ass (Zombieland Rule #21)
A practically indefensible structure. Large shopping centers are always targets for both humans and zombies. It is always the case with social disturbance: At the first sign of trouble, these concentrations of wealth swarm with private security, police, even overzealous shop owners. If the crisis occurs suddenly, a large number of shoppers may become trapped within the mall, creating problems of overcrowding, trampling, and suffocation, as well as attracting the dead. In an outbreak of any class, heading for a shopping mall would mean heading for a center of chaos.
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